Friday, May 23, 2008

SACRIFICES.




Four weeks have flown by.


For four weeks I've struggled with learning "the ropes" of parenting a newborn. I finally (with the help of Crazy Pills, thank you very much) feel like I'm getting the hang of it and am a little more confident in my abilities as a mother.

Truth be told, I was not doing well the first couple of weeks. Learning to sacrifice after 32 years of being set in my own OCD ways was quite a blow to my little world.

I could talk about the sickening pain of extreme constipation after a c-section.
I could talk about the absolute torture of breastfeeding.
I could entertain you with thoughts of sleepless nights and diarrhea explosions.
I could write about the major postpartum depression that consumed me (and still does somewhat).
I could tell you of the time I put my socks and shoes on while sitting on the toilet just to maximize time while she was screaming to be picked up.
I could discuss how motherhood has taught me to become ambidextrous while eating cold food and talented at keeping a pacifier in a wailing baby's mouth with my big toe, while simultaneously blow drying my hair.
I could talk about the pain of breastfeeding while putting on makeup just to make the little one happy and to avoid being late at the doctor's office.
I could write about the time I almost left the house without brushing my teeth and got out of the shower without rinsing the conditioner out of my hair.
I could tell you about the lack of freedom and requirement of an army of resources just to venture into the outside world.

Of course, motherhood comes with many sacrifices...most of them I knew about prior to birth and most of them I sacrifice willingly.

However, there is one sacrifice that I was not prepared for. One that I have lived with ever since I can remember and really don't have any desire to give up. One that has caused me great discomfort now that it's power has all but ceased in our house.

The ceiling fan.

I am the world's hottest sleeper on record ever since Peanut busted my water bed at the seams and controlling the temperature of the bed was no longer an option. I sweat like a pig, wish I had a window unit directly blowing on my body, and I just might resort to finding mud to roll around in. Now that Kallie is sleeping in our room, I can no longer have the ceiling fan on mega high because we really would prefer her to not blow away in the middle of the night. For the first week I didn't even turn it on which is nothing short of a miracle. Now, it's on the second slowest speed...which might as well not even exist, if you ask me. It's killing me, people.

But, it's all for a good cause. Soon, the ceiling fan will roar again in our room. Soon, I will not awake in a puddle of sweat (and sweaty milk). I will be reunited with my love and life will return to normalcy.

But, please, somebody write it in the record books for all the world to see...I have gone four weeks without a ceiling fan.

A mother will sacrifice everything, I tell you.

9 comments:

Monica H said...

That is a huge sacrifice- we sleep with a ceiling fan and a smaller jet engine fan pointing directly on our faces...oh, and the thermostat is on 65 at night...and I still manage to wake up sweaty!

I've often wondered what we'd have to do when/if our little one comes into this world.

Anonymous said...

Welcome to motherhood!
And... Normalcy... it's not coming back... EVER!

Anonymous said...

Little Kallie will still know that you love her if you put her in another room to sleep. If you can put her in her nursery or even in the living room and still wake up to her cries, you can always give it a trial run and see how that goes. You might willingly give up your beloved ceiling fan now, but the longer you keep her in your room, the harder it might be as she gets used to being with you and wants to stay there indefinitely. Whatever you choose to do, this will get easier eventually. You have survived the first month, and honestly, it took several before I got the hang of it. Keep hangin' in there!

Anonymous said...

I think hormones contribute to night sweats as well--with each of my three sons, I would wake up drenched in sweat and milk for the first few weeks. I also dealt with bleeding nipples in the beginning (only with #3), but I promise you that the pain of breastfeeding goes away and you will be left with a wonderfully rewarding experience. And as for sleeping in your room--mine slept with me for 3 months, and it is easy to transition them. Just start her napping in her crib, and then put her in there for the first part of the night, etc. You are done with the worst of it--congratulations!
~Annie

Anonymous said...

You're doing great, my friend! So proud of you! I knew you would find new talents as a mommy...like giving Kallie a pacifier with your big toe, and putting on socks and shoes while on the commode! LOL!

Some semblence of normalcy will come again, and that WILL include the ceiling fan! :)

~K

Anonymous said...

P.S.
I LOVE the photo! Adorable one month old!

Anonymous said...

OMG! How I can relate!

The Mom said...

Love the photos! She is very cute! I am with you on the crazy pills, whatever works! Post partum is no fun.

lltanderson said...

you are a very talented mommy. i haven't blown my hair dry in 28 months...i just can't multitask like that (now, instead of administering the paci, it's chasing a toddler out of the commode or whatever else she's into).

i'm so sorry you have had to deal with PPD, and i'm glad you've found some help.

kallie is simply beautiful!

hang in there!